– by Eddie Capparucci
Over the years, negative seeds had been planted in Bill’s mind.
His angry and hostile mother, who never recovered from his father leaving, raised him, taking her frustration out on the little boy by breaking his spirit with relentless criticism and contempt.
The negative seeds she planted took root as he grew up believing her insidious lies.
Bill was taught he was worthless and would amount to nothing. His was to be a wasted life.
Those lies cost Bill a great deal as an adult. He dropped out of high school, has been divorced twice, is a recovering alcoholic, and has difficultly staying employed.
Bill doesn’t do well with authority. Any direction he receives is taken as criticism, which leads him to become angry. When one of his wives or a supervisor would question him, Bill felt emotions similar to those he experienced when his mother would unleash her relentless criticism and mockery.
Feeling wounded, Bill had learned to fight back and then withdraw (or quit). It is a pattern he started as a young teenager.
Now Bill is beginning the process of removing the rotted roots that have taken hold in his mind due to those negative seeds. He is busy replacing them with new, healthy seeds that will allow him to rebuild his self worth.
How is he accomplishing this? Bill has learned he is indeed a special individual. He knows he is loved and accepted unconditionally. Who has made such a remarkable impact on Bill’s life? Jesus Christ.
After spending time in therapy processing the pain and grieving his lost childhood, Bill turned to Christ to help him see that, even with all of his brokenness, he is a child of God.
Through Scripture reading, prayer, meditation and finding a good church where he can engage in fellowship, Bill has worked hard to build a relationship with Jesus.
And while he has come far, Bill knows there is much work left to be accomplished.
There are still feelings of anger that arise when he perceives he is being criticized. However, he is quicker to identify those emotions and has learned coping mechanisms to keep them in check.
He still struggles with forgiving his mother. But he believes the more he allows Christ to remove the negative seeds, the more likely it is that forgiveness will come.
He is learning that by leaning on Christ and allowing Him to lead the way, a renewed soul and heart is possible.
“At that very time Jesus cured many who had diseases, sicknesses and evil spirits, and gave sight to many who were blind.” Luke 7:21(NIV)
This post was written by Eddie Capparucci.
Eddie is the author of Removing Your Shame Label.